Kiss/Marry/Kill, Old Sport

The characters in The Great Gatsby are an interesting crowd, with many unique character traits.  Why don't we explore these through some good old-fashioned “Kiss/Marry/Kill.”  To change things up, let us begin with the men:

Kiss: George Wilson is a kind and obedient husband, who is also pushed around easily.  When Myrtle rudely directs him to get chairs for Nick and Tom in the beginning of chapter 2, he does so without complaining.  Also, it can be inferred that he attempts to take care of his wife because he is “anæmic” and she carries “surplus flesh” thus showing that he may give her more food and luxuries than himself.  However, he has a tendency to go berserk.  When he found out about the affair between Myrtle and Tom, he calmly told a friend that the racket above the garage was Myrtle and that, “‘I’ve got my wife locked up in there.’”  Additionally, once Myrtle died, he did not keep his shiz together.  He was saying that the billboard of Dr. Eckleburg’s eyes was God and that “‘God sees everything.’” After that, he killed Gatsby and then shot himself.  Although he was nice, the psycho part of it for me would be a deal-breaker.

Marry: Hands down, I would marry Gatsby.  He is extremely thoughtful, deliberate, and motivated.  On the weekends, he throws extravagant parties for strangers in order for them to have fun.  Ultimately his efforts are in the hope of attracting Daisy.  Yes, I know he doesn’t necessarily do it perfectly as he has “pastry pigs [next to] turkeys bewitched to a dark gold” and saxophones with the orchestra.  However, Gatsby uses his own money to provide food and music for his guests.  Although he exaggerated his past, he did so with the intention of winning Daisy’s affection.  We all know that Daisy would not settle for anything less than a breathtaking, stunning, and rich background story.  I would also marry Gatsby for his devotion to one woman.  This can be seen when he kissed Daisy for the first time.  He had “forever wed his unutterable visions to her perishable breath,” meaning that he had devoted his whole life to “loving Daisy.”  Also, when he was trying to win over Daisy once again, he did everything in his power to make her see his worth.  For example, he sent over “a greenhouse” to Nick’s place and he led Daisy through his house and showed her his possessions.  I would take this type of man any day over an abusive cheater or a psychopathic pushover.  

Kill: My hatred for Tom Buchanan makes me wish he died a thousand deaths.  First of all, he disrespectfully takes a call from his mistress during a dinner party with Nick right there.  Second, he makes Nick meet Myrtle.  Nick is Daisy’s second cousin for crying out loud.  This shows that he really does not care about anyone’s feelings and is extremely arrogant.  Additionally, Tom takes advantage of George Wilson by constantly saying that he will have the car done “next week” and that he’s “got [his] man working on it now” just so he can get with his wife.  Just give the man the goddamn car or some money as compensation for single-handedly destroying the Wilsons’ marriage.  Tom shows no remorse after threatening George and takes his wife into the city.  As a matter of fact, this abusive devil doesn't care about anyone’s feelings.  At the end of the party “Tom Buchanan broke [Myrtle’s] nose with his open hand.”  Remember, this is the lady that is ruining her whole marriage just to be with this a-hole and he decides to hurt her?  Another horrible thing about him is that he is a raging hypocrite.  When he finds out that Daisy is cheating on him with Gatsby, he blows his lid and has the audacity to ask Gastby: “‘What kind of row are you trying to cause in my house anyhow?’”  Then Tom goes into this big rant about how Gatsby is trying to wreck Daisy and his relationship?  I want to smack this man and scream, Look what you are doing to George and Myrtle!  And then you get offended by someone doing the same thing who then comes clean.  You never came clean to George.  Lastly, his actions killed Gatsby.  He told George that Gatsby hit Myrtle in order to get Gatsby out of his life.  He is a selfish, wreckless, abusive, and horrible person.

Now on to the ladies.  I can say that it was more difficult for me to pick the rankings of these somewhat infuriating characters.  Let’s begin:

Kiss: Jordan holds the middle spot as I thoroughly dislike her, but I can tolerate some aspects of her personality.  First, I admire her unrelenting confidence and independence.  This can be seen because she is constantly “leaning a little backward” and has her chin up to the sky.  However, she takes it a step further and has an air of superiority that is somewhat infuriating.  When Nick first sees Jordan in Chapter 1, she does not greet Nick, and she lays there “with her chin raised a little, as if she were balancing something on it which was quite likely to fall.”  I do not like individuals who believe they are superior.  Another aggravating thing about Jordan is that she lies and cheats.  According to the text, “...she left a borrowed car out in the rain with the top down, and then she lied about it…”  This reminded Nick about the time she cheated in a golf match.  I avoid people who are dishonest, and I especially do not like those that use this tactic for their own gain.

Marry:  Despite some deep-seated flaws, Daisy is the most personable out of these three ladies.  She is particularly charismatic and friendly.  When Nick walked into the room, Daisy “made an attempt to rise” and greet him, whereas Jordan did not.  Her bubbly personality can be seen throughout her conversation with Nick at the party, like when “she laughed, an absurd charming little laugh” at her own jokes with her “bright eyes and… bright passionate mouth.”  However, this allows her to seem ditzy and superficial in certain situations, like when she cried, “‘I’ve never seen such- such beautiful shirts before.’”  Yes, I do admit that although crying over wealth is a bit absurd, it won’t take too much else to make her a happy and devoted wife.  While this may seem like a flaw in the book, the willingness to stay with her spouse, even after he cheated, proves that she is willing to make her current relationship work, even when it gets tough.  However, this also shows that she is a weak character, as she is not able to handle the controversy when Gatsby and Tom were arguing over who she liked.  She urged them to “all go home” in an attempt to avoid the inevitable.  Despite these shortcomings, they are more tolerable than Jordan’s or Myrtle’s numerous flaws.

Kill: I’m sorry Myrtle, but this has to be done.  If it were up to me, she would definitely kick the bucket with her “manstress.”  First of all, I’m questioning her choice of cheating on a husband who tries to do nothing but good with Tom, a complete and total scumbag.  Second, she is even worse of a liar than Jordan.  This is seen when Tom said, “[George] thinks she goes to see her sister in New York.”  This lie has been going on for a long time!  Additionally, she is an imposter Daisy.  In the text, Nick commented that Myrtle wore “an elaborate afternoon dress of cream-colored chiffon.”  She is not pure, like her cream dress implies, and her effort to look this way is quite annoying, as her dress “gave out a continual rustle” when she moved.  Her actions and demeanor are quite oppressing as she “expanded” at the party, trying to be the center of attention.  Daisy is just naturally pure, gentle, and the center of attention, and Myrle will never be this way.  The fact that she avoids who she is truly bothers me.